Ego is not a dirty word

The ego didn't always have such a bad name. It was originally coined by Freud to refer to the "I", our sense of self, the realistic part of us that balances between our base, primal urges and our moral conscience.

Nowadays, we use it to refer to our sense of self-esteem or self-importance. It's essentially how we see ourselves in the world.

It's important to have a healthy ego, we couldn't function without one. But having an inflated sense of self or a weak sense of self, can lead to problems.

Role of the Ego

The ego serves a vital role in our functioning. It acts as a filter between us and the world. However, its main problem is that it tries to justify everything according to our self image and desires.

The ego always strives to be right. It either wants to prove that it is superior to others or justify why it isn't. In this game, it is always criticizing and judging others, being manipulative, stubborn, moody, needing constant praise and approval, fearful of rejection, taking offence easily, feeling resentful and envious of others and needing to control everything.

A healthy ego has a good grip on reality. A realistic view of itself and its own abilities and an understanding that others' abilities do not detract from its own.

An inflated ego is full of its own importance. It needs constant admiration, praise and control and is often linked to mental health issues of narcissism.

An inadequate or wounded ego struggles with its own internal critic as it feels inadequate. It struggles with depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder.

Ego, self-esteem and identity

Studies have shown that a healthy ego, or "ego resilience" helps people to handle stress, adapt to change, and cope with life challenges. It promotes self-esteem and a strong sense of identity. A fragile ego does not have this grounding. It questions its own value, is confused and uncertain about who it is and is constantly looking externally to validate its worth.

Overall, our ego is generally based on what we think we "should" be, what we "should" have, how we "should" look and who we "should" be with in order to have value. Even a healthy ego may grapple with these questions and suffer if there is a loss in any of these areas.

An ego based on an unrealistic version of itself, either an inflated one or an inadequate one which constantly criticizes itself for not being what it "should" be, leads to a confused identity and low self-esteem. This includes the inflated ego which only seems to have high self-esteem but underneath is not convinced, so it seeks constant validation from the environment that it is in fact worthy. 

Ego and Mental Health

The lifeblood of the ego is fear. Its primary function is to preserve your identity, but it fears your unworthiness. It clings to an idealized image of itself and either needs to prove it to everyone or bemoan the fact that it is not living up to this image. The ego then spews forth with negative thoughts and feelings, ruminating on how inadequate you are or blaming others for your problems. This often leads to depression, anxiety and stress.

Perfectionism is another ego-driven syndrome. Because we rely on

external references to validate our self-worth, we engage in behaviours such as criticizing others and enjoying their misfortune which makes us feel better about ourselves. We don't want to be on the receiving end of such judgement from others, or ourselves, so we become overly perfectionistic. Thinking if we get everything right, we must be OK.

This leads us to the well-know Imposter Syndrome. This is the fear that others will eventually find out our weaknesses and question our competence, the way we do to ourselves. They will find out that we are frauds and don't deserve our success which was a fluke anyway rather than the result of our own efforts and skills. Imposter syndrome puts us at a greater risk of anxiety because we are trying to cover up our doubts and prove that we are legitimate.

Perfectionism can lead to Imposter Syndrome as both are based on fear. Fear of not being "good enough". And they are both the result of an unbalanced drive to succeed and achieve.

Research has shown a strong link between imposter syndrome and perfectionism.

Ego defense mechanisms

One way we try to salvage our self-esteem is to use ego defence mechanisms.

They are unconscious psychological responses that protect us from feelings of anxiety, threats to self-esteem, and things that we don't want to think about or deal with.

There are 10 key defence mechanisms used by the ego to basically justify ourselves.

Many of them have entered the common parlance such as "he's in denial" about his drinking.

They are

Displacement: taking your feelings out on the wrong person, or an inanimate object

Denial: denying that something exists or occurred

Repression: unconsciously keeping unpleasant information from your mind

Suppression: consciously keeping unpleasant information from your mind

Sublimation: converting unacceptable feelings into appropriate avenues

Projection: projecting your own unacceptable feelings onto others

Intellectualization:Thinking about stressful things in a clinical way

Rationalization: Justifying an unacceptable feeling with logic

Regression: Reverting to earlier behaviours

Reaction Formation:Replacing an unwanted feeling with its opposite